“Just Like Daddy Hit Mommy at the Dinner Table.”

I’m not a huge fan of Dane Cook, but the above line from his stand-up wonderfully explains the vibe I’ve gotten at specific times while in Korea. It’s a feeling that leaves one speechless when certain acts reach a level of intensity that, from where I’m coming from, don’t compute.

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk in the faculty office when my principal and the school’s accountant walked in. They walked up to my teacher’s desk, next to mine, and began speaking to her in an elevated tone. The accountant stood between my desk and hers while the principle, who did most of the talking, stood behind my teacher-a posture teeming with domination. Sitting in her chair my co-teacher swiveled to address the principal. Her facial and audible expressions were upset with a slight air of defiance suggesting she was standing up for herself. The principal became more belligerent-rapping on the back of my co-teacher’s chair and shoving a finger in her face, as if to demonstrate the severity of his point. All the while the accountant chuckled menacingly.

The accountant’s mocking snicker grew in frequency and my sense of comfort was waning fast. I stayed, seated in my chair, staring off into space to show that this sort of behavior would not intimidate me. I was there to support my co-teacher who was obviously having a hard time. Besides I got the sense that this had something to do with me. There had been a vibe of tension surrounding my arrival and the extra work it created (I’m the first foreigner to teach at this school). My co-teacher had been feeling the pressure most.

The accountant broke from his position and turned to me.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Just sitting here.” I respectfully, but somewhat defiantly replied. The question was a little inappropriately delivered given the context.

“What search engine do you use? Yahoo?”

“I like google, I guess.” What an absurd question, I thought, under these circumstances.

“Yahoo is best.”

Now, I haven’t used yahoo since 98′, but I sure as hell wasn’t interested in engaging in this discussion while my co-teacher was getting hung out to dry. The accountant tried to engage me in other topics of small talk while moving away from the principal/co-teacher. I got the sense that he wanted me to leave the room, but I was not about to leave my post.

Before long the principal walked out in a huff trailed by the accountant. I turned to my co-teacher who seemed to be near the point of tears. She meekly fidgeted with her things before standing up and looking at me. “Let’s go,” she said before walking toward the door, “Take a picture.” It was school picture day after-all (I had not been previously informed).

I understood that she was the main target for bullshit since most of Korea runs on a male dominated hierarchy. She’s the youngest female in the school save the students and is fresh out of the University. I felt awful that I had somehow made the situation worse by staying put and not leaving the room when things began to get heated. But I also felt that it was my duty at that moment to show my silent support, however ignorant it may have been.

The next day I was able to talk with my teacher about what had happened. As per usual things were not as they seemed. She said she didn’t really know why the principal had been so angry (I didn’t completely buy this), but that he is “very strange” and she is the youngest, hence the lowest crap magnet on the depth chart. She said he was mainly complaining about a 3,000 won (3 USD) taxi fee I’d written on my transportation receipt. I’d presented my list of transportation-to-school costs that Monday, as requested, and was told everything was fine.

Instead of taking the problem up with me my principal attacked my co-teacher. The situation was simply that my co-teacher and I had shared a cab the previous week and I had forgotten she’d paid (she was technically on a business trip so her transportation costs were being reimbursed).

Why the principal had attacked my co-teacher is beyond me (and apparently her), but I think it has something to do with the fact that she is responsible for me. In Korea I’ve noticed that when one makes a mistake it can be blamed on a superior for not making sure said mistake was prevented. I believe this is one of the pressures associated with responsibility. It also falls under the realm of saving face-a major Korean consideration. The accountant, with his heckling and tangential questioning, was merely trying to lighten the mood, explained my co-teacher (an instance of saving face). This makes sense now, but at the time my Korean meter was malfunctioning (maybe it was set on USA). I’ve since come to know the accountant as a rather nice guy.

Situations such as these are not too unfamiliar in Korea. Corporal punishment, for example, is alive and well in Korea. I commonly see a kid brought forth in front of the class and slapped on the palms (my elementary school teacher likes using a drumstick) while being lectured. Older kids often go through what’s similar to high school football drills or pain tolerance testing (usually holding awkward positions). From what I can tell it doesn’t make for any lasting damage. Anyways, my parents spanked me until it no longer had an effect; they switched to soap/vinegar in the mouth (sometimes my mom would give us a choice like some kind of sick game show).

Without going any further, I’d like to stay away from value judgments in this case and rather state that it’s often helpful to let a culture do its thing during moments of intense contrast. Often, through later consideration and explanation, things are not as oft putting or extreme as they appear. Much can be gleaned from the extremes and ,well, I sometimes like the rush.

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