I laid on my back, propped up against my messenger bag while soaking up the ondol heat of the Nohwa bound ferry. I closed my cell phone. Kelsi suggested I pick up noodles and lettuce on the way home. A little boy with a “Lloyd Christmas” haircut popped his head over the row of life jacket cabinets in front of me. He stared at me blankly. I smiled and nodded with a peace sign. He stared back at me for a moment then ducked behind cover. I chuckled to myself. “I’m back in Korea,” I thought, “I’m back to domestic life. I’m back to teaching and schedules (well, my middle school’s working on that one), and ferries, and funny looks.” It was the day before day-one of the new school year and I wasn’t a bit as culture shocked as I thought I would be.
In fact the cool air’s refreshing.
I’ve been gone for 26 days. My middle school replaced 3 teachers and the principal while I was away. The Korean teacher is 6 weeks pregnant and my English co-teacher got braces. I no longer teach on one island, but four, and visit six schools in total/week. How’s that for “Dynamic Korea?” I chuckle because the new makeup has caused a stir among the faculty. I can’t define it precisely, but all these new faces, particularly the new principal, will mean the teachers have to re-harmonize (could this mean a new strategy for Wednesday volleyball?).
For me, it’s another day as a foreign peg in a Korean hole. I presented vacation souvenirs to my co-teachers and introduced myself to the new teachers, who’d been eyeballing me curiously since I walked in. My participation in the gift giving ritual was a success. I have to say I was quite nervous handing out the little Laos-elephant-key-chain-offerings for the shear fact that I had left Korea and come back. Arbitrary (for me) gift giving isn’t my style. Hey, when in Korea…
I’m still riding the high of being on the road for nearly an entire month. The people I experienced and the scenes I saw were priceless. Traveling was stimulating in ways I could not have foreseen and I am glad to have spent it mostly in Laos. I almost feel let down returning to my back water post, but after the past month I know I’m doing the right thing in this moment. If your interested in hearing about the journey I made to SE Asia click here. Otherwise keep reading. In my obsession to keep up some semblance of a linear narrative I want to quickly sum up everything “Korea” to this point. Then I will start with fresh material for the new school year (AKA: the second half of my first 1 year contract in South Korea).
…
Playing Ketchup Pt. 3
The night after the Soan Middle school drink-up I woke, still drunk, in desperate need of a pisser. I rolled over in the puffy bag of juices my hungover body had become and crawled to the door to exit the main room of my hotel. To my surprise there was no doorknob! Then it hit me like a liter of soju. In my stupor, the night before, I recalled shutting the airlock to my room and locked inside by the faulty doorknob. All that remained of the mechanism was a warped bit of metal that used to turn with the knob. It was jammed and I was trapped inside with a wicked need to urinate. Good thing the guys left me with two bottles of water.
I filled up the one empty bottle, cut the stream, downed the second bottle, and promptly filled it as well. Relieved, I got back to the door situation. Thankfully I woke up early enough to still make my 8:00 AM breakfast appointment with the principal. I just needed to find a way to exit my cell (Anyone thinking “Oldboy,” yeh, I was too). With Macgyver-like skills I broke out by disassembling the latch with a bottle opener and a small glasses screw driver (thanks Sam).
Once free, I took a quick shower and got the hell out of there, leaving behind the deconstructed latch. In the day light things were clearly less mysterious, however, I still got lost and was late. My principle was standing outside his house, next to the school, when I arrived. He brought me in and sat me down to a small table prepared by his wife who made herself scarce by doing housework. “Korean Breakfast,” my principal informed me. I was fighting to hold myself together. My head was pounding and it wasn’t clear whether I would vomit. The vomitous feeling was only exacerbated by the appearance and aroma of our “Korean breakfast”-whole fried fish, kimchi, rice, seaweed soup, and some other salty-spicy Korean side dishes. It wasn’t the usual chicken-fried hangover remedy I’m familiar with back home, and so desperately craved. To my surprise the fare wasn’t so bad and actually made me feel better, albeit the silence, broken by my principal’s one word demands to his wife for “물(mul-water)” and “밥(bap-rice),” was a little unnerving.
The rest of the day was filled with ceremonies and other things I witnessed, but didn’t register in my clouded state. I probably spent most of it in front of my computer scanning the blogosphere or stalking my friends on Facebook. The fog began to lift towards the end of the day when the faculty invited me to a show at the High School. The show consisted of two acts. The first was a four man brass/horn/drum band dressed in matching black suits adorned with big red fluffs on the breast. They delighted the crowd with such classics as “Let It Be” and “When The Saints Go Marching In” enhanced by marching band choreography, plenty of fog machine, and a laser light emitter. In between songs they would joke with the students and hand out boxes of cookies. The second act was a sultry female vocalist who belted out pop music lyrics to a background track; plenty of re-verb in the mix (kinda like professional 노래 방[Norebong-karaoke]). Her rendition of “If I Ain’t Got You,” by Alicia Keys, was nice. Koreans are most famous for their singing voices.
The rest of the second act was mix of ballads I wasn’t familiar with (Korean, I presumed). I felt like I should have been sipping a stiff cocktail and puffing a smoke, while contemplating my lot, amidst a seedy bar patronage. Instead I was sweating B.O. while my students and co-teachers clapped to a rhythm. Next to me a high school boy was sitting on his buddy’s lap, suggestively spanking the ass of the boy next to him. For a country that skirts the existence of its homosexual citizenry I’m always surprised at the way members of the same-sex, specifically men, handle each other in Korea. I’ve gotten used to the heightened levels of male-on-male PDA, but still wonder: when students or grown men address me as “handsome man” or “sexy boy” are they are some actually coming on to me?
After the show it was good to get back to Nohwa after a night on Soan. It was Christmas Eve and I’d been looking forward to taking it easy for a few days. Kelsi and I made our own version of Mexican food with Korean ingredients. A major element in Korean cuisine is the hot pepper so it’s not too difficult to whip up a decent salsa-Kelsi’s specialty. We also had some excellent beans (thanks Kels), flavorless Korean mozzarella, homemade tortillas, tomatoes, cabbage, and cucumber. This washed down with some cold beer and laptop vids made for an excellent holiday evening. We did not spend Christmas with McCaulay Culkin. It’s common for Koreans to catch “Home Alone” marathons on TV Christmas Eve. We watched a YouTube broadcast of “It’s A Wonderful Life” and “A Christmas Story.” I almost felt like I was back home.
I wish I could say what made our unconventional Christmas memorable was the food or the setting, well, it might have been the food. Christmas morning I woke up with a sour stomach and loose bowels. This quickly degenerated into a mass exodus of fluids from both ends. The result: a state of dehydration I’d never experienced. No question, I needed to go to the hospital for some intravenous intervention. To my chagrin, the local hospital was closed. Too-weak-to-deal, I waited outside the hospital while Kelsi wrangled a cab that would take us to the harbor. There I promptly barfed all over the concrete outside the ticket booth. The 아줌마(ahjumma)-in-charge yelled at me as she dumped buckets of water on my mess. She wanted me to use the toilet. I obliged.
I’d recently read about the dangers of diarrhea and dehydration in third world countries; how inexpensive packets of electrolytes had saved the lives of Diarrhea sufferers in India. For me, it was pocari sweat/bottled water life support that sustained me on the ferry ride to the next island. Adding insult to injury, the ferry was unusually full of day-hikers sharing soju and making noise. I laid out on the floor, unsure if I would wretch or pass out, while the hikers made awkward glances at me. The drive to spew won out. I made it to the outer rails of the boat for a release, then made my way to the ship’s squatters for a most precarious squirt. The rest of the ride was without incident save a few words exchanged with the day-hikers. They were probably wondering if I’d had too much soju or was carrying the next swine flu epidemic.
Eyesight clouding and legs buckling I staggered from the boat to the bus bound for town. I could tell Kelsi was seriously worried, but not saying anything. I was just worried about pooping myself. At the bus stop she helped me to a cab. A “병원 병원 (hospital, let’s go)” was said and we were off to our destination. Thankfully, the hospital was open and admitted me quickly. The nurse put me on a bed. I vomited into a plastic bag. She stuck me with the ubiquitous I.V. I’ve heard about from other expat Korean hospital anecdotes. Next, was the mysterious cure-all shot in the ass I also hear a lot about (From what I gather 50% of Korean medicine is IVs, shots in the butt, and little packets of unmarked pills). Pain relived and electrolytes flowing I laid in slightly subdued agony for several hours before gaining the strength to check out.
[“secret agent doctor” story omitted by request for secrecy]
We spent the next two nights in a hotel where I slowly recuperated. We were upgraded to the penthouse suite (complete with jacuzzi) after our room started to stink like a sewer; probably a result of my overloading the plumbing. The following week was uneventful save the beginning of my winter camp classes. It was clear from the beginning these would almost be a waste of time. More on that later.
Hey you, I was trying to click on your ‘here’ link for more news/photos/videos of your SE Asia adventure but I couldn’t get it to work.
Hope all is well in S. Korea… sounds like you’re keeping busy teaching in more schools now.
Hey! Thanks for reporting the dead links. I’ve kinda dropped the ball on fixing some of those things.
Things were hectic with the new schedule, but I’m back in the swing now. Thanks for stopping by. Hope all is most excellent back home.